My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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