i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
