apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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