I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
