I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
