I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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