Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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