i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
