i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
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