Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
