I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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