Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
