i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
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My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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