I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Randomize
