At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
