the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
