Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
