I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I just blew my weed a kiss
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
