Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
