Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
