I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
