I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
