I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
