I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
