Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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