I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She bit a glass in half.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
