News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
