Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
