Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
