I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
