thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
