Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
