You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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