East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
