Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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