I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
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don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
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Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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