So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
