I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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