I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
