from now on my penis is your penis
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
