Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
