Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
