So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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