You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
