grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
