i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
