dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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