Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
