Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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