i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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