The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
