billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
