I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
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