Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
