idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
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you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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