You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
