She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
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If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
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Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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