you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
