how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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