Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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