walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
