I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
