Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
