So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
