I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
