When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
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