I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
When did angry sex become our thing?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
