It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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