it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
