Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I need moral support for this bender
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
