He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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