By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
