oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
