Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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