I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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