I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
