sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
