girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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