the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
