it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Randomize
