But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
