My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
