I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize