Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
